Ugh....

I have lately been really thinking about just who I am...mother, wife, nurse, sister, friend...I just feel that sometimes its the "mom" part that I cant quite get right. I love my children, I try to put them first, but sometimes, I get lost. I dont know why. I get tired and I dont know why, I feel like I shouldnt be tired, I have all day...but I am. I struggle with myself, my walk with the Lord, my weight, my relationship with my husband. I lack in so many areas that I find myself completely different than I remembered myself to be. I am scatterbrained(I have probably always been, but I dont remember ..lol), always eating, tired, yelling at the kids, crying over silly things, envying others lives and homes or home lives. I want christian friends for Shain and I, but we cant seem to go to a church for more than a couple Sundays in a row. Be it laziness, or Shain had to work or one of the kids was sick...it makes me feel depressed...
I had planned to go to Bible Study Fellowship this morning, but the school called me and Hailey was throwing up so I was unable to go. I wasnt able to go last week because Ethan was sick. Go figure. So, I stayed with Hailey for a few hours at the house until she started to feel much better and then I ran to Walmart. She did fine, I got the minimal amount of items and grabbed lunch on the way home(big no no) and then took her home for a nap. I sprayed the house for fire ants(they have been plaguing my kitchen for about a week) and then I took a nap. So much for my day. I completed zero laundry or any clean up in a single room.
Ethan had to be picked up before the girls got home, so I grabbed him from kindergarten...bad note from the teacher...the "I will call you" never makes me happy. Ethan was grounded to his room and still is...he keeps telling me how sorry he is, but this is day #3 with a bad note. I hate it. It makes me seem like I must be a horrible mother with no disciplining skills whatsoever.
I have a headache..am I whining enough yet? I need to stop writing this post. I am not feeling any better..